Monday, September 26, 2011

Getting things together to move again

Things have been a bit odd as of late. My family is still my family, for better or worse. However, they tend to do for people and then remind you daily. so I am in the process of giving back the things given before, that have been in storage here. I am also selling my desktop computer and printer, giving away my bike, a lot of the cats stuff, and pressing on . Iulia gets fixed tomorrow and then its on to the next step. Ajah needs to be fixed so that will be next week. I will literally be able to fit my entire life in a purse and 2 bags as I can't see paying to ship things, I haven't used in ages. And for some reason momentos and things that had previous connections, those have lost value in the past few weeks. I have paid the bills for several family members, its a give and get, but alas, its simply how my family truly is. Add the pressure to have children or have it brought up that I choose not to be the family babysitter and I simply remind them, I did them all a favor. I will be 27 next month and by 29, I will be done with school. My goal was 30 so that's on track. So goodbye Ohio. This is a final and forever goodbye, I have no intention of returning. I helped some out who needed it, and now that a relatives disability is started, a simple ride is too much to ask. Anyways, I think we all hit that point, where connections that were are no more, set sail into the prevailing winds, and make for the open sea. I am setting my sails back west to ride with the sands of time, and then to enjoy the warmth and desert again. I am giving up much, as I think in the back of my mind I knew would happen (selling cello, giving away more stuff, and parting ways with a cat, which is indeed the hardest part) when I walked 8 miles to where the cabs run to get to where I am at. Is this a whinefest, nope. Its a determination post and a truly final farewell to Ohio. Last time there were goodbyes, tears, and all of that. This time, it's moving on for once and for all. Child free as I choose to be; a grown and educated woman moving in this world until whatever happens, does. There are things I will miss, but alas, its time to emotionally part with that too.

And perhaps the non stop turning off one emotion off to another is what leads to this particular lifestyle and mindset. Its depressing in the sense that a tribe of strangers and close friends are more helpful than those you truly counted on. So farewell Ohio, farewell to what has been a known, and hello unknown.

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