So I am now 26 and it didn't really hit me until this week as I work like a mad woman. Lets just say this week has been chalk full of experiences I can't share here but have changed my perspective on things quite a bit. The urge to up and go is stronger than ever. I am going to work one year, cut back on everything, pay off my remaining debt and move on. I borrowed some money to buy the van as my last one was quite costly in repairs. I paid that off today and in record time which tells me everything else can be paid off quickly.
I have learned that humans can be completely unpredictable. People you think you know you really don't. I have learned that watching these changes can be enlightening to what is human nature, what we need and want and how we express ourselves. I have learned that I miss being mobile because I enjoy meeting people, enjoying company and moving on. I believe everyone comes into our lives for a period and then its time to explore again. And furthermore, I have learned to appreciate the people in my life, to trust those whom I must and to rely on instinct for everything else. I love what I do but I have pretty much explored all I can without going agency which is indeed an option but budget cuts, getting with the right crew and finding a job that pays enough to be worth the work is challenging. Its taken me over 3 years to do just that.
I recently considered going into management and thats an experience I want but I don't want the obligation. I don't want to be tied to being "over qualified" when I simply want to work on the floor and not behind a desk with paperwork writing people up for events I wasn't present for and answering for peoples actions I have no clue about. Clearly, I would love to work for myself. I did so in pet sitting and that was great and its an option, one of many but I would like to do something that I can do from an apartment in Chicago to an RV in Canada. I want something that is going to make me happy, that continues the people I work with now but different. I have spent my time in my apartment reflecting and as winter approaches, the cost of gas goes up and Saturnalia approaches (December 17-23) that there is no more excuses and its time. Its written in stone, no more excuses, no more naysayers or obligations, its going to happen Oct 16, 2012 is my departure date.
I want to be a nomad without a destination, I don't want to be rushed and I want to know people long enough to watch and learn. I want to live life, see the world and take 2 crazy felines with me. I want to explore living carless and on bicycle in Chicago with the train, see Yellowstone and go back to AK. I looked at pics tonight of there and need a trip back for a moment, everything was so rushed when I left its time for a return. I hate having a time clock, having phone calls at 4 am and not being able to explore life the way I want.
I also learned that school is something I need right now and I am thinking on two options, becoming a graphic designer or a paralegal advocating for those with disabilities and farmers.I am a creative person and I don't feel challenged the way I would like. I love to read, don't have time for it, love history, no time, and that's where I am at. I would truly love to be a paralegal specifically for my ability to go to where I am needed and I can learn and teach online.
So for now I work, accomplish the impossible and move on. Once all bills are paid off in 6 months, I will never get stuck in the debt web again, then save for 6 months for a van and trailer and get ready to head west for some time off and do online schooling, then maybe teach school online, or substitute in the areas I am visiting as well as consulting work. My other interest in men getting custody of children. I would like to see more women pay child support, just because a women carries a child doesn't make her the better parent and its no easier for a man to raise a child financially than the women.
So the plan, work, pay off debt, save, go to school and LIVE. This is dedicated to yet another person I know who passed of cancer at a young age. We need to live now as there is only one life and what we do now will shape an eternity for those that come after (even if we don't see it) as well as ourselves.
So with that I toast a glass of wine to those who have lived deeply, fought bravely, been truthful and followed their dreams, leaving precedent and legacy for all of us here now to follow. The holidays have been a hard time for me and mine and this year I am going to focus on what we have vs what we don't for we can't change the entire world, just shape one strand of the fates in this moment.
4 years ago