I have been updating my blog from my new cell phone which is spiffy although I am finally figuring out how to use it so I can spend less time staring at it. I am now getting days off and have been getting out more and I am only picking up shifts on the days I am scheduled to work. I have been visiting old friends, seeing movies every now and again and in general attempting to visit and get as many things done before I head out. I have 99 days left.
I went and saw the Black Swan, a truly mind boggling movie and rightly so rated R. I am still pondering how I felt about it. I went to see the Chronicles of Narnia but their projector for it was down so I had to pick another and I already drove that far to see a movie, so I did. And Monday and Wed night I went and hung with an old friend in her new townhouse, its very nice.
Then I went to get the last of my laundry, and that's pretty much it. I am still wrapping my head around the whole fired after 3 years thing, how I want to handle it and have been trying to remind myself to eat more as I haven't been feeling like it, although I can't say shedding a few pounds won't break my heart but this is entirely unnatural. Ah well, guess time will tell. I have been sleeping more, its winter though so I guess it makes sense.
The van is the van, its still there and so I am here. I have been getting clusters of things lately which I don't feel like going through. I think its setting in, the stress is kicking in and time in winding down. I have never liked Christmas, its a rough time for me and mine, but we dredge through it and the guilt trips I knew were coming from family are starting in. Also trying to pay attention to the dogs but not get too attached. And the cats I was planning on letting stay with a family member but I still have thoughts on that, like maybe its not a great idea plus the cost of shipping or driving back will be expensive, time consuming and take time away from school. I am also still figuring out the cello issue, I just have a feeling I don't want to leave it here. I should either store it, ship it or sell it. If I sold it, I would have plenty of money but I love it and spent my high school career paying for it, so I don't see that as an option unless I absolutely have too.
For some reason I thought leaving would be easy, I am following my dreams and going through with finishing school, maybe having a family in the future, I am starting to consider that as well, but the guilt trips and the family drama are weighing down on me. I know I am leaving, its just the process of getting there is not an easy one. The saying good bye because life happens because some of my family are severely bi polar and are weighing down on wanting me to do various important tasks for them instead of standing up the challenge itself. I left one bad situation recently but closing the chapter isn't easy. It wasn't the first time, but I am older now and hopefully ready for what lies ahead. And hopefully I can wrap myself around the task at hand, man up and get everything done no matter how daunting the task may seem.
3 years ago